When the topic of Emotional Writing came up at a Donald Maass Workshop, he encouraged us to move past ‘expected’ character emotions and try for something deeper, more primal. Something unexpected.
The why was simple: readers are drawn in by well-written emotion, and almost every meaningful situation in life prompts us to experience complex or contradictory feelings. So, bring that into the story by exposing readers to a character’s realistic yet complicated interpretation of their situation.
The Exercise: Take a scene from our book, list the primary emotion our character was feeling, then change it to something they also feel but would never dare to voice or show.
I chose a scene from my Upper MG WIP, Wrath of a God. The Egyptian God Osiris, newly resurrected and clothed as a simple storekeeper, shows up at the protagonist’s house as a surprise dinner guest. The goal is to intimidate my hero, Brett- who knows who Osiris really is- and convince him to stop opposing him as Osiris gains control over everyone in the town. The two are alone, outside, and Brett is full of anger and frustration because, deep down, he knows he’s powerless to stop what’s happening.
So, a deeper emotion, something unexpected…what might he also feel? I decided to try DESIRE.
Don then instructed us this emotion non-verbally.
Here’s my two-minute freewrite:
A glow came off of Osiris, a hue that had nothing to do with the sun setting. It was something that came from inside…a sureness, a confidence. He was powerful, close to having it all. Brett imagined that for a moment, imagined the feeling of control, the ability to wipe his personal slate clean. To heal his mother, to heal the town.
To have what Osiris had, to shape the world with power… His chest expanded. But as he stared at the god, the shadows clutching the sharp angles of his face stood out in contrast. Power corrupted. Power consumed. If Brett had it, would he do good, or become like Osiris, and only want more? A deep pain spread in his chest, and he kneaded at it with his palm. This was wrong. How could he feel this, want this?
I love what I came up with because it’s so much deeper than the original emotions of anger and frustration. By homing in on Brett’s desire, I show how he craves what he doesn’t have (power & control) and then the shame that comes at wanting something wrong for him.
Have you ever tried this technique? If you would like to, browse our list of emotions to find one to contrast what your character is already feeling in the scene, and challenge yourself to go deeper!
Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.
I didn’t until I saw your comment! Talk about making my day 🙂
That’s really awesome! Speaking of which, did you know Donald Maass posted your link on twitter? 😉
I write romance, and pretty much the ONLY way I can approach the requisite intimate scenes (book after book, scene after scene) is by applying this technique. Desire, yearning, longing, arousal = yawn, yawn, skim, and go get a snack. When I can peer under the emotional bed and find boredom, resentment, loneliness, gloating, humor… the scene develops power, and takes it’s place as an uncuttable contribution to character and dramatic arcs, and, oh, yum, good stuff, indeed!
I’m definitely not a lyrical writer, so I could really benefit from practicing this technique. Thank you!
Wow, I never thought of that! And heck, your free writing is darn AWESOME!
Sounds like a fantastic workshop. And yes, I do love his 21st Century Fiction.
Sounds like a great class. Unexpected Emotions-that is why I want to read. Off to dig deeper into my WIP. Thank you for your posts, and your Emotional Writing Brilliance!
First of all, your story sounds amazing! Second, what a great two min writing spree! You did good!
Yup, I try to add unexpected things as well. I have a note on my external hard drive that includes this and other awesome recommendations Donald encourages writers to do from his other writing books. Love how you came up with DESIRE.
I think this may be the only book I don’t have of his. Thank you so much!
Donald is thee man! And you, the WO man 🙂
First of all, your story sounds amazing! Second, what a great two min writing spree! You did good!
Yup, I try to add unexpected things as well. I have a note on my external hard drive that includes this and other awesome recommendations Donald encourages writers to do from his other writing books. Love how you came up with DESIRE.
I think this may be the only book I don’t have of his. Thank you so much!
Donald is thee man! And you, the WO man 🙂
I like the idea of using “desire.” It’s a much more visual feeling.
This is great stuff. I’ll definitely have to check out this book.
Nice! Love your snippet. I can tell you dug deep. I’ve been doing that with my latest and digging deep inside, but I’m sure I’ve got scenes where I didn’t. I love the idea of duct taping the character. Great concept to remember! Thanks for sharing.
I need to get that book.
That’s a great example! And as a scene it reminds me a lot of Galadriel refusing the One Ring in LOTR.
What you wrote is fantastic! Donald Mass is a wonderful teacher. Some day I will be able to afford his lectures. What an awesome way to look at things. Now I have more re-writing to do. Thanks, kiddo! 🙂
This is a really interesting writing technique! I hadn’t heard of it before. I’ll have to try it. Thanks for sharing!
I love this idea and am definitely going to try it! Donald is an outstanding speaker and teacher.
I like what you did with that suggestions; it felt real. After all, who wouldn’t feel helpless before a god and secretly want that power – like Galadrial.
Interesting stuff, Angela, I’ll have to look into it myself.
I’m a big fan of emotional writing. One of the biggest things I tell people when I beta is ‘more emotion!’ I think a lot of people kind of hold back for some reason, maybe for fear of going over the top.
I love it! And I really appreciate Donald Maass’s Breakthrough Novel Workbook. It is priceless.
I think taking all of Don Maass’s exercises and using them all would lead to an overwritten rollercoaster story. But I think taking the scenes we think are dragging or too slow or we’re doubting…then his questions and exercises could really help.
Great example!
Oh, I like this concept. I need to use this!!
Stina I didn’t do all the exercises, but this one I was glad I did. I can see how it can deepen the meaning to the scene and leader to a more human level of contact between reader and character. It was a great workshop!
@Traci & @Shelly, thanks for stopping in. I’ll post more lessons here and there from the workshop because it was full of great content!
@Elizabeth, I think with all things, moderation is the key. If each time we wove a moment into the book like the one above and it caused a page or two of reflection, it would seem like too much. And this is only one technique as you know–his book is full of ways to draw the reader in deeper and create a stronger meaning in each scene.
I know @StinaLindenblatt (above) plotted her whole novel using the 21st Century Fiction book, so you could possibly ask her how she kept from being overwhelmed, but for me, I think I will pick some things to incorporate, but not all. I agree that if we try to deepen everything in multiple ways, it will lead to overwritten prose. Too, so much of this is a style issue. I am not a lyrical writer, so a few passages like the above really would help enhance the writing a bit. But if a person normally created beautiful imagery and deeper meaning naturally, they wouldn’t need to use the techniques to ‘bring that out’ quite as much. It would naturally evolve.
Go with your gut on which techniques feel right for your story. Your critique parters will tell you if more is needed, or if you tried to do too much, I think. Hope this helps!
Johanna, showing is always so much better when it comes to emotion, and if a person can show while adding deeper meaning through a few subtext visuals, all the better!
@Natalie, thanks! I strongly recommend this workshop–if he ever does one in your area, it is worth the money to go. An the 21st Century Fiction book is really good. I loved Breakout Novel, but Fire in Fiction not as much. This one here might be his best book yet.
I think I’ve read a post where he or someone else suggested this. I love how it changed what you wrote. Thanks for sharing it. It’s a great piece.
It’s so true that we get much more powerful emotion through all the things our characters do instead of what they say. I think this boils down to a concrete example of showing and not telling.
I absolutely love this!
One thing I am curious about…I am going through Writing the Breakout Novel and Writing 21st Century Fiction, and there’s several exercises like this one. You have to show the new emotion/action through words and non verbal cues.
Do you find that this makes the novel overwritten? I really love subtext, and I really love the idea that this presents–that there’s so much going on underneath. I just worry that I am making it too wordy by changing everything to nonverbal and actions.
Am I worrying needlessly? I don’t think your passage was too wordy, after all.
Right now I’m processing this.
Great post.
Hugs and chocolate,
Shelly
A powerful lesson!!
I’m still impressed you did the assignment. I decided that was the moment I just HAD to go to the bathroom. lol
Great job, Angela. And thanks for the reminder. I’d forgotten this. Looks like I need to re-read my notes.